The Darkest Place
by Ser.REnity
Summary: The truth will be told, each day anew. She had come to kill a god, after all. /Post-Avengers.
1. One: None

**One: None**

"I offer you a deal", she said.

"You or them? Is it mercy or torture?"

She smiled.

"It is I that gives you a chance. And only once. I will not ask again."

"Elaborate", he demanded.

It was just the two of them and the glass cage, the hell and heaven to him.

"I will grant you death", she said and saw him care.

He was quiet.

"What do you want?"

"You will give me the truth", she explained, "Twenty sentiments for your peace."

There was hope in his eyes, or was it regret?

She was about to find out what it meant to him.

And when his feeling lay bare and his mind ultimately broken, she would release him, free him off his mortal shackles.

Was it love?

None of them knew.


	2. Two: Confusion

**I will add my obnoxious author's note here :)  
I welcome you all to this Avengers fanfiction which will feature Black Widow and Loki; not as a pairing, though. If you want to see it that way, you could see it as a hint, but I did not intend to write it that way ;) **

**So hey. Just sit down and have fun. Have some cookies. And patatas. **

**See you around. **

* * *

**Two: Confusion**

Natasha Romanoff sat in front of the glass cage on a wooden chair, looking strained and yet emotionless. She was the perfect mirror, never showing emotions she felt; only those she gazed upon.

And she was here for this, one of her many talents. Oh, how many people made fun of statements like that- they learned soon enough she was more than just a woman.

As an assassin she was deadly, precise and loyal to those she deemed worthy. Did they pay well enough? Loyalty was theirs.

Unlike him, she did not grief or love or hate anymore. And that was what prepared her for the job.

"Today I demand your confusion", she said and smiled.

She was his devil and executioner; he emitted fear and she had grown tired of liking it.  
Loki was a god no longer, rightfully exiled and freed of burden and title; he was heir to no throne and child to no king.

Years had passed since his first day of triumph; his personal way of sneaking back into people's mind and thoughts; people who never worshipped him in the first place. He had died a god and ended up here, in this hellhole, this paradise.

Loki was still handsome; he was still breathtakingly intelligent and powerful. Here, on earth, inside the halls of the not-king, it did not mean a thing.

With time, even his brother had forgotten about Loki; forced by the power of the spell that had been punishment for madness and solitude.

The widow was the only one left.  
And her bargain still stood.

"Confusion is a simple thing. It does not affect me as much as you hope it does", Loki said, unsure of himself.

"Then tell me. It should be an easy start." Her voice and smile were soft and he noticed. A few years ago, during the invasion he would have known to hide his reaction. He had lost this ability and so much more.

Loki's eyes widened ever so slightly. They betrayed him all the time; so filled with all the sentiment he wanted to hide from her. From everybody, that was; but today, they were one and the same.

There were no cameras anymore to watch over the fallen god. He possessed no valuable information, all he knew about his alien army and their unholy leader who cheated even death.

Loki would not be so lucky.

_Thor looked down on the ground, his posture no longer regal. I was unsure of how he had gotten to such a disgracing place in the first place; I heard Midgard was one of the realms that did not intend to wage war with Asgard. My home... a word that seemed no longer appropriate. A place of liars, traitors and thefts. They wanted me to be one of them, but I refused to believe that was even possible. If belonging to their crowd meant living in the shadows, learning humility by humiliation and torture, I could not care less about their love._

_The brother I had known, the god of thunder, had been reckless. Impolite. A danger to others and himself. _

_So who was the man before me? Broken-minded, kind-hearted and _thanking_ me for coming? For _lying_ to him? _

_I wanted him to stop being nice, to see I had been right all along, to just... treat me as he should. As an inferior, as the second son and unworthy brother he thought I was._

_What had they done to him? What could a horde of mortals possibly do to alter the everlasting character of a god?_

_I did not understand and I still do not._

_It should be easier to comprehend a stubborn simpleton like Thor. I had intended to make him hurt as much as his father had hurt me. To see him in pain, I thought, would make me feel better. _

_But the man I tortured with my words was not the one I had known all my life. It was unprecedented. He even honored me with his tears in his perfect, flawless eyes all his family so loved._

_In the end I did not know what it was I was doing. I wanted Thor to fight me. I was the monster parents tell their children about at night and he had to accept this only truth already. _

_Who am I to question my fate? Who if not the god of chaos, mischief, lies and fire shall bring an end to the god's reign?_

_Odin looked down on me with a blank expression. How he wanted to be king today, only king, not-father and not-judge. And I smiled at him from behind the muzzle, smiled with kind eyes and relaxed features._

_And then I was judged and gagged and bound and released shortly after the hearing. I could not see the reason behind their actions until I was told the level of punishment._

_Not death or torture. Neither silence nor banishment._

_I was punished with truth._

"Interesting", Natasha said.  
She stood up and left.

And confusion was hers.


	3. Three: Resentment

**Three: Resentment**

Natasha returned the next day. Or maybe it was the Widow that decided to pay the prisoner another visit: It was hard to tell these days. She managed, though, she had been through worse. And so had her relationship with Clint. In a few days, he would apologize and all would be well.

"Get it over with already", Loki growled, "What will it be today, Miss Romanoff? A love story? A fairytale?"

She gave him a pitying smile and he stayed quiet. They both knew she would be the death of him; he respected that.

"Today, I demand your resentment."

He huffed resignedly.

"So it shall be."

_Somewhere along my mission to subjugate the earth for Thanos I found myself enjoying the act. How deep the mortals bowed in fear, how fast they ran at my command. I would not give that feeling up; the power they entrusted me with._

_But Thor... of course he would not agree. Of course he could not just idly stand by and watch me get what I want. It wouldn't be fair if someone besides him got attention, yes?_

_I did not fight a brother, I fought an insolent man unsuitable for the throne he claimed. But he could not see, right? He could not understand he was not meant to be a king. _

_Jealous? No, I was never jealous of _him_. I simply wanted the best for Asgard._

_I met the man out of time only twice. _

_And how uninteresting it happened to turn out. A symbol of heroism? A display of unity? Every honorable man, especially those as insanely obsessed as him, hide the worst guilt.  
I never cared enough to inquire what his crime was._

_But I knew right away he would pose no threat. He was mortal and too weak to fight me. If I ever played the damsel in distress, he would come to my aid, even if I killed all his friends the second before. _

_If there was one of the so-called Avengers I truly, strongly disliked it had to be him._

_I wonder how he sleeps at night; is it the reckless actions he does that ease his conscience? How senseless, how unreasonable._

_I saw pity in some of the guards' eyes as they saw me, an incoherent, drooling madman and all I could wish for was their hatred. Sympathy disgusted me, I knew what they were thinking and they had to _stop.

_A fallen prince, rendered delusional; they wondered who could've prevented it from happening- well, how could one prevent **me** from happening?_

_"He should be grateful", they said, "But was it worth it?"_

_I wanted to be calm, controlled, composed- one of these. Only one would have sufficed. And yet I cracked._

_I wanted them to hurt, to scream and bleed and just **go away** and leave me. I was unable to. Odin's mercy averted it; I never managed to even look at them._

_Fighting you would be different, I suppose, but dealing with the Lady Sif was never.  
She hated me for wanting her of all people, for how much Thor supposedly cared for me. I wonder if she ever saw this coming, my presumed madness, she was the first to suggest execution. _

_Oh, the six of us had so much fun, she used to say, I wonder who the sixth one was in her mind. Born a typical Asgardian she never relented in her rage._

_So I interfered. So that we would be alike._

_She never understood._

_I always felt young around Heimdall. Always ready to give a quick, witty reply he provoked me to sound childish, my accusations as infantile as never before and never again._

_But I was stronger than him. I almost killed him without actually trying to; I overpowered and blinded his all-seeing eyes.  
My plans as king should not have been foiled by him._

_As a guardian and judge of something as powerful as the Bifrost, he should have cast aside all prejudices and feelings of connivance. Yet he decided I was not worthy of the throne and ignored my command. _

_They all did. _

"Is that enough for your liking?", Loki hissed and yet it sounded tired. 

The Widow smiled, even though Natasha did not.

"Almost. Go on with Thor, no need to avoid him."

_Thor never hated me, I suppose. He never really understood who I am and what I have done, either. You question my resentment towards him?_

_So, did you doubt the dagger in his side? The fall from the sky? I wonder if he ever stopped to just think for a second. If you still doubt my _feelings_, you would be wise not to question my actions. I have tried to kill Thor and I would do so again, if I got the chance._

_And now he forgot about me, anyway._

"Will you leave now?", Loki asked. The strength had left his voice

"Of course", she said and got up.

She left. And so did the resentment.


	4. Four: Concern

**Four: Concern**

A few weeks passed before Natasha decided to descend the stairs to the cellar level. The cell was a custom model; similar to the one that had been designed for Bruce Banner. All of the others of their team seemed to strictly distinguish the doctor and his other self, but she did not. The much she liked the man, he was a potential threat.

Everyone was.

And yet the prison was not needed to hold Loki anymore. There was no strength left for him to fight with and no place to go; the cell was everything he had.

Natasha found him lying on the plank bed, his arms crossed and his eyes closed. It occurred to her he had to be tired; the S.H.I.E.L.D. guards never switched off the lights in this part of the building.

"What do gods dream of?", she asked quietly; barely loud enough for him to hear.  
Loki did not move and yet it was obvious he was not dead.

Not yet.

"It depends", he sighed and a shiver ran through his whole body, "And technically, I am no god. For a detailed description of their mental constitution you have to ask Thor."

Natasha sat down in the chair that always stood in front of the glass window closest to the door.

"So, then what do you dream of?"

She was not interested in the answer; her goal had been to see how he would react to being called a god.

Loki struggled to sit up and looked at her with haughty eyes.

"The end of your world, today. The end of you and all you hold dear as well."

There was no hostility in his voice anymore and he noticed. Promptly he looked away and crossed his arms once more.

Natasha smiled. They were making progress.

"Today I demand your concern."

Loki ran a hand through his hair; he seemed troubled.

"Y-yes...", he said and frowned, "It has to be done, after all."

_The Destroyer turned away and slowly strode down the street. Each of his steps was placed thoughtfully and yet his conscience was pure. He followed orders._

_My orders. _

_It was I, and I alone that sent him down to Midgard to **destroy everything**. He had not exactly done as he was told; but at least for Jane Foster it meant the end of everything still._

_And Thor. Always Thor, never anyone else._

_I knew he would get up. Thor did not die like that. _

_Unlike every other creature in all the worlds, he was the one to always get back up again, if only to rise and shine as though he was the sun of all their worlds. _

_Maybe, I thought back then, he really was the sun. But I was not the moon and his equal- I was nothing in their eyes._

_So why did it take so long for him to impress his petty friends this time?_

_Why would Thor not move and laugh and **live**? He was supposed to crush me and my plans another time, just like that. I would always wait for that to happen, if I wanted to admit it at the time or not._

_But of course he did not stand up and fight back. Because for the first time, **I** had won; so why could it not feel like a victory?_

_As the Chitauri found me, I knew I would not leave their ship unscathed and ready to subjugate a planet all by myself. Even though I was basically on their side, they knew how to temper with a brain, mortal or not. Oh, they had fun, I know as much. _

_They were laughing and pointing at me; I could never recall any of their torture methods. As long as they did, I was alright._

_Thanos was different. He did not use force to drive a knife into my flesh- he twisted my thoughts until I was willing to do so myself. And I did; and how I did._

_Now have a guess: Who preoccupied my thoughts at night, when I could not sleep because of the mission I had to fulfill? _

_No, miserable woman, I did not grieve the loss of my family or Thor or anyone-_

_I worried for myself. For what I would become and who I would be at the end of everything. I continued during the invasion; who in all the worlds can judge me for it. _

_I saw Frigga, my once-mother only after I had been punished and thrown away like a childish toy in Asgard. She was not allowed to visit me for a long time; Odin was worried what I would do to her mind. Break it, spin it, and alter it until it becomes something else._

_She looked terrible; old and frail. _

_I did that to her. It was my fault; her grief aged her.  
I realized I had found a way to kill a deity- a powerful goddess, ruined by something as plain and simple as me. _

_Her bastard son was her death, in the end._

"You dream of her", Natasha said.

Loki nodded.

"Sometimes. Sometimes I even dream of a way I could have saved her."

She did not smile anymore.

As she walked away, he called after her.  
"What are you doing to me?" His voice wavered.

Natasha did not turn around.

"Ease your pain."

She was concerned. Loki would not see it that way.


	5. Five: Pity

**Hey there, this is a message from ME to YOUUU. (If anyone in the whole wide world got that reference... oh god. You are a twisted, twisted soul.)**

**I wanted to thank the people who favourited and alerted (Well, yeah.) this story. I am glad you like it.**

**Also a cheerio to "Who says it's a rebellion" for the review. Cheerio! **

**I donate an extra long chapter to you. Almost as good as an organ.**

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**Five: Pity**

Clint did not answer her calls anymore. Natasha was not sure what to think of it; when she had asked him what was wrong, he had said that she would not understand. Although she had a faint suspicion he might be jealous, there was no proof to confirm it.

Another sixteen days and they would be happy again. By the time that happened, Loki would be dead and drained of every sentiment he had ever dared to hate.

She wanted to get it over with.

As she entered the prison, he was already up and waiting. It was an usual sight. Loki was clad completely in black, because his armor had long since been removed. His cheeks were hollow and his feet bare. As he stood, his hands pressed against the glass, she first thought of him as a prisoner.

"Mortal, I do not know what your gain of this is, but-"

"I demand your pity", she interrupted sternly.

Loki hesitated a moment before slowly walking backwards and settling down on the cot.

"I see. I suppose this is the point of no return, then?"

Natasha nodded.

"For both of us", he added and lowered his chin.

"For both of us", she confirmed and smiled.

_When I fought you and your team of strange men, I got in contact with the being you call The Hulk. I do not refer to our last, very... unfortunate meeting, but all those times before I insulted him by telling the truth about his nature. _

_He reminded me so much of myself it almost hurt to think about it._

_Oh yes, Miss Romanoff, I pitied him for resembling me and me only. I know what the monster inside you does to you if you cannot control it. Your 'normal people' out there think that is the worst part about being two people- the part where you struggle and fight with your inner demons. How ridiculous._

_Let me explain this to you._

_It is as simple as a split personality. The monster inside you will always be there, no matter what you try and do. So every waking moment spent with thinking you will **know** the other person is there. It is you and not-you and every second but this could be a trigger. And you know you will enjoy every second of your time as a monster, relish it and every one you kill in your rush. _

_It is you craving the change to happen that you truly fear and hate._

_Your monster knows as much, I knew it as soon as I saw his posture. But instead of proudly demonstrating his abilities and showing you all his superiority, he kept quiet and modest and only served a higher cause._

_I did not understand how a creature with this power could be so mislead... and he had and still has my sympathies. I regret I did not have the chance to show him his potential; he will die a mortal without ever unleashing it._

"What are you laughing at?", he asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice. No matter how broken the god was, he did not like to be made fun of.

"You", Natasha said, "I laugh at how you got it all so very wrong."

Loki stared at her with pale, blank eyes. Her heart skipped a beat at his look and she was not sure what to think of it. Of course she had never hated him, but feeling... worry?

"You think I am wrong about the monster?"

"You are wrong about Bruce", Natasha replied, "Now continue."

Loki shook his head.

"Pity is the worst of them all; I will not satisfy your urge to _know_. The much I want to tell the truth, there is none to be told."

"Then tell me what there is", she demanded and he shifted uncomfortably under her gaze.

_What do you want me to say, Miss Romanoff?_

_I pitied your bunch of mortals as you stood so proud and tall and lost; and yet not proud and tall enough. I made them kneel and forget about their identities, about the struggle and terror it brought to their petty little heads. _

_I pitied the Allfather for being a fool and believing I could change when I returned. His naivety was endearing, really; how his gaze and strength would falter when I asked his forgiveness. He believed me and it was pathetic how easy it was._

_I pitied Thor when he made the same mistake._

_But, Miss Widow, I am best at feeling pity for myself. I do, even now. But you would not know how that works, would you?_

"Loki", she interrupted softly, "I need truths. I will not keep my side of the bargain for pretentious babbling."

For a moment, he looked almost haunted. As though for the first time he realized he had to reveal everything to finally be killed.

He swallowed hard and looked down at his hands.

_I am a selfish man by nature. _

_So as you will have figured out by now, feeling pity for another being is hardly a casual occurrence for me. _

_I saw all those people burn on the day in Manhattan, all their homes crashed and torn and I did not feel anything. _

_I heard many things in my time on the helicarrier and I noticed so many people used you **heroes** and pondered how to get rid of you. And still I could not bring myself to care. _

_But I could not help to develop sympathy for one of you, only one; true sympathy._

_The man you called Hawkeye now hates me with a passion and I am capable of seeing why, even though it was not my intent to hurt him._

_He told me everything about himself; every dream and fear and desire. And I am not telling you something you do not know when I say you are all these combined. _

_Although you were partners for years, you had never gone further with your relationship; he was desperate because you were the only one to deal with his past and move on._

_He wants what he cannot have and yet that was not it. I chose him for a reason; his guilt suffocated him and all he wanted was to move away from all those close to him._

_I knew what he felt, I had been there. _

"I shall tell him when we meet again", Natasha said and slowly moved towards the cell.

Loki blinked as she pressed her hands against the glass to mirror his.

"It will not change anything."

"It does not always have to", she said and wondered if it would end as quietly as it was now.

Loki moved away.

"Do not mistake my cooperation for vulnerability", he snarled and turned away, "See you tomorrow. I must ask you to leave; it has been too long already."

The Black Widow looked at him and felt like the world was ending.

He was too far gone already.

And yet she pitied him.


	6. Six: Respect

**I am sorry to say this is no extra long chapter. I will post two chapter at once today, though. I am really overwhelmed by the response to this fanfiction. For a story with no pairings and no smut, it is really loved and I thank all of you, especially my newfound soulmate Apayin. Hey-ho. I love all of you. This is one big hippie-party now. Have fun with respect.**

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**Six: Respect**

"Today I demand your respect, Loki", Natasha said, without letting him utter a greeting. It was getting late; she would be done for the day when she had gotten another confession from the half-crazed god.

"Since I already got yours, that shall be no problem. It is an easy one for a change."

She was furious on the inside, wanting to lash out and scar him; he had no right to speak of her this way. But the Widow would never openly show anger waiting to be exploited.

Clint had stopped looking at her in meetings and every time they were dismissed, he would just run away from her. S.H.I.E.L.D. had always been their way to meet and communicate; but also a chance to change their ways and stop killing people for money.

Clint had apparently begun killing again.

"We don't have all day. Get going", Natasha said harshly and refused to sit down this time.

Loki eyes her with a certain suspicion, opened his mouth as if he wanted to ask her something, but then decided against it.

_Part of being raised as a prince of Asgard was learning to act as a true noble and member of the royal family; if you want it to put it this way, I was **born** to be respectful. But that does not help your research and the progress of my execution._

_The agent did not have to attack me, he should have waited for you heroes to appear and yet he did not hesitate. The madman just ran at me, with his strange, otherworldly gun pointed at me._

_Agent Coulson, you called him? Very well._

_Mr. Coulson was a mortal, he was supposed to fear me and not fight me with the gleam of conviction in his eyes. Of course he was damned the moment he stepped into my way, but I cannot bring myself to say it was a victory. He was so... resolved. Where there should have been fear, there was certainty. _

_And when I stabbed him, he did not look scared in the least either. _

_Your man of iron, the supposed genius, offered me a drink when we first officially met. It was amusing, really, how he played his game of words with me, trying to threaten me. But no matter what I did, even as I threw him out of a window, he kept calm and actually treated me as an equal. Which is ridiculous considering I am a god, but it felt good at the time, after spending months with the Chitauri._

_You, however, Miss Romanoff, you were a different kind of challenge. I thought I had you; I thought I had peeled off every layer of your being until you cracked- and then you turned the information on me._

_It did not do any good; I still got what I wanted exactly as planned. But the sting of defeat was still there and it still is; this dull pain of being mentally overpowered._

_Fascinating, really, how many things I said and how little you actually let pass your emotional shields. _

_I saw the Chitauri fight; their extraordinary skills made useless by their chaotic style of brawling. Like an unorganized bunch of bilgesnipes they washed over the place, crashing mortals with their sheer masses, not tactics. I despised them as much as you do now; and then I saw your captain, the heroic one running though the streets._

_He had no chance of survival and yet he ran right into the battle, helping worthless people save their lives on cost of his own. I could not find any respect for that; but then I saw him give orders as though it came naturally to him to do so. You were acting as one and I realized you were indeed the best Midgard had to send to battle._

_In Stuttgart, as you may have seen, I forced a crowd to kneel, to know their place. And they obeyed, all of them. I explained my reasoning, my beliefs, lay open before them and they just had to **understand** what good I did to them._

_This old fool had a look of disgust in his eyes as he stood up. Disgust and disappointment and sorrow and something I could not place- was it pity? Was it? _

_He refused to obey, no matter what the cost for his insolence would be in the end._

_I did not understand. I wanted to help them. Improve their world. Change it. Rule it._

_He said I was no different than other people in the history of humankind and I was interested._

_I looked up the men he talked of and I saw what he meant, I really did, Miss Romanoff. And I denied I had anything in common with what they did, until this day._

"I have never been particularly interested in midgardian history", Loki said and sounded even more tired than before.

Natasha did not talk to him on this day.

She had taken the respect with her.


	7. Seven: Amusement

**First off: Hi. This is the second chapter I update today, so if you skipped to the newest, you might want to check out Six: Respect as well. Cool story, bro! Thanks for being here.**

**Amusement does not equal happiness or joy. One of those is yet to come.  
Also, I am a big fan of "Red Dragon". Not so much "Silence of the Lambs", but still, just so you know what the random mentioning of Hannibal means. The drawings have no impact on this story. I write a story in the "same" universe right now and there it shall be important. Stay tuned, bros. Love you. **

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**Seven: Amusement**

"What makes you laugh, Miss Romanoff?", Loki asked and slightly tilted his head in an inquisitive manner. He still seemed a little off to her, as though he was startled and needed time to rearrange his thoughts. His eyes made him look like a frantic deer, after all.

"Whatever funny thing there is", she answered, being more at ease today. Any other day they would fall back into routines and fight, but the years had changed even these simplest of thing.

"So, once-god of chaos, what do you laugh at besides the screams of your victims?"

Loki frowned.

"I am no sadist. Except when Thor is involved and I get a chance to _kick his ass_, as you mortals would call it. I could imagine laughing at that."

Natasha carried a pad of paper; as she put it inside the small drawer that connected her with Loki's cell she also added a few pencils and shoved it back in.

It reminded her of the Silence of the Lambs; even though Hannibal had nothing in common with the fallen deity. Or maybe she should reside to calling him a frost giant; raised so he would fit in and never be recognized as a monster.

He slowly approached the drawer and shot her a questioning look.

"You mentioned you were bored", Natasha said, "And somehow I could imagine you draw."

The corners of his mouth raised slightly, before his senses of defense kicked in.

"I appreciate your thought; however, I do not require your sympathy."

"You're welcome", she said and smiled.

"Well then, quid pro quo. What will you demand today?"

"Your amusement."

It made him stop dead in his tracks and stare at her with an almost panicked expression.

"I feel urged to point out the obvious in this case", he began and controlled himself, "Every story you here drains me of what I tell you of. Once we are done, I will be drained of every last sentiment."

"That was the plan, was it not?", she asked.

Loki nodded slowly and his jaw lines tightened as he clenched his teeth. Then he looked up again and his eyes sparkled with mischief.

"Well then, let us laugh and dance for the last time, Miss Romanoff. I will make sure you remember my every word."

_In Asgard, feasts are a usual occurrence. The Aesir are capable of turning every incident in one worthy of gluttony. I was different, of course, how could I not be, considering my heritage._

_As they sang and drank and laughed, I simply listened. And watching the people celebrate something in no way worth celebrating, I laughed with them from time to time; as Volstagg told stories of battles won and never lost, as Hogun twitched his lips as though a smile would hurt him, as Fandral leered at the women clustered around him, as Sif eyed my once-brother with more than infatutation... I still did not belong there. It was Thor's table, Thor's life, Thor's success and yet it sufficed for some moments. _

_What makes you tick, Miss Romanoff? I could not bring you and your heroes down, but I could play with you- making fun of people is who I am, after all. It is not genuine laughter I share with you, but it is mine, a selfish proclaim of happiness and **amusement**, as you called it. _

_I wonder if Agent Barton will dance on my grave; if there is one to dance upon. Will he laugh? Who of your bunch will care and remember?_

_I do not mind being forgotten; my punishment has almost done so already.  
He will only read my name a second, or third time, shall he ever stumble upon it; "who was this guy?", he will ask himself and then shrug it off like a **bug**._

_You were busy eating the midgardian food the man of iron calls 'shawarma', I watched your interaction with one another and it reminded me of the feasts in Asgard. This time it was obvious I did not belong, but you all didn't either. _

_For your organisation, those institution of liars and murderers, it may be good enough or masked too well; you are no team, you are no friends._

_For a brief time, you worked and functioned, until the gears of the machinery you were stopped working. It was funny, really, to watch you **try and fail **to be a part of something greater than the individual._

_So I laughed for you, with you and all eyes focused on me. Unwanted attention can silence me and it did, as you know. _

_A slap in the face will never do the trick._

Loki laughed, but she knew right away it was not how it usually sounded like when she was around. This time, it was genuine, the terrible the occasion might be.

Like a little boy, Natasha thought, a young mind in an aged body.

The god was still laughing when she left.


	8. Eight: Jealousy

**Eight: Jealousy**

"It was about time you asked."

"And yet you dislike the thought of telling this specific tale, Loki, is it too true for your liking?", Natasha asked.

It had happened a few hours ago, the incident that made her first realize how dangerous it was to talk to the god of mischief any longer. Somebody had turn on the coffee maker in Stark tower- it was supposed to be a short visit for her, a quick check if everyone was okay. But the sound of the machine was too normal, too comforting.

They had begun to be honest, to work with one another without remodeling every thought before presenting it. It could be another trick or scheme, but Natasha found she did not care. There was nothing he could do; and the much she still disliked him, the sympathy for him was overwhelming.

"Why are you here, Miss Romanoff?" His question was sudden, but not unexpected.

"The 'why's should not interest you, as long as you get what you want."

"I begin to wonder if it is what you want", he replied.

Natasha was not ready to have this kind of conversation, all she wanted was to go back and ask Clint what was wrong. But this last connection to the god of mischief had to be severed. If she understood who he was, what made him tick, then she could do him the favor of death. It would be no act of revenge, it would be mercy. And for her, it already meant a little less red in her ledger.

"I demand your jealousy", she said and sat down on the chair. His stare was unnerving, but it comforted her to know he saw only the warrior and assassin in her, no piece of flesh he had to marvel.

"And you shall have it."

_I was told I was born to be king; what a wonderful vision for a child. I grew up in Asgard, protecting its borders and getting to know each and every corner of the halls and streets ever build. Architecture and culture has always been set in stone for the Aesir- I, however, was the spark of progress, the mind of revolution. A rebel, if you like, unsuitable to sit at asgardian tables and standards. _

_Thor was the golden example of a son to Odin, a brute and fierce warrior with no intention of strategy. A man of action, if you like._

_When we were younger, I used to be his shadow, always seeing what he accomplished. I was proud of being his brother._

_And then they blamed it all on me._

_Every time we were caught on a forbidden realm, seeking adventures and **glory**, I was seen as the instigator, the plan-maker. They all knew my once-brother could not come up with a scheme alone, even if he did. _

_He was spared for idiocy and I was punished because of intelligence- it was justice._

_First I could not blame him for what happened to me, but then he started to enjoy it. All the attention and love of our parents, the city, the realms._

_And I began not to be Loki, but the brother of Thor. Not his equal, but his lesser self, his unwanted appendage._

_Even as I became king during his banishment, they assumed I had taken the throne by force, wrenched it out of the Allfather's paralyzed clutched after I had decided to take him down as well._

_I saw what Thor's friends did for him, even risking execution and banishment. They would not risk that for me; not even the not-brother that claims to love me so._

_I cannot forget Agent Coulsons face, this unwavering conviction._

_He looked right through my masquerade, the strain that the Chitauri put on me with their trust. Of course, the quest to conquer Midgard was not entirely their idea and I am not intending to rid myself of guilt. But as the first of you, he saw **me**, as I always wanted someone to do. And yet it was not what I wanted at all. It was not the person I once was, the one that needed attention. Your agent had what I lacked- the courage to fight for something._

_I would not trade it for my life, though. _

_I was placed in no prison after I returned to Asgard. The punishment I got what only truth, after all. I could no longer lie, I had to speak my mind and so I resided to not speaking at all._

_Thor visited me back then, he graced me with his presence and mercy._

_"It will all be well", he told me what felt like a million times._

_And I envied him for his lies, for this simple, comforting twist of reality he could accomplish and I couldn't._

_Imagine how easy walking feels to you- and then how it is no longer there, this simple ability of what defines you. You are not yourself anymore and never again you will be._

"Thank you"; Natasha said for the first time and watched how Loki paced his cell in a fit of rage.

She wondered how much more he could take.


	9. Nine: Uncertainty

**I know it is short and probably full of mistakes and it is not the best of things to start with an apology. But I will apologize I did not yet find the time to reply to your reviews or tell all the almost people who just followed TDP and favourited and... oh my goodness. I love all of you, but I must ask you to forgive the delay. These are troubled times for a poor writer like me, not getting anything out of this... Well, actually, I do get something, but it is neither money nor time nor hot chocolate, so yeah and stuffs and hey.**

**Have fun reading this. I wrote it all for you.**

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**Nine: Uncertainty**

Bruce had stopped speaking to her this morning. It was a bit of an overreaction, but she knew what the signs felt like. His eyes grew distant and uncaring and he would not look at her, but rather at the wall. Natasha had witnessed the same phenomenon with Clint; but the much it hurt to see her partner leave, Bruce was a different matter. He always remained objective and friendly, no matter what happened- or so she had thought.

It felt like the beginning of something worse.

"Tell me of your punishment before we start today", she said and sighed as she sat down on the ground before the cell.

"You look weary, Widow." Loki had not given up the pacing yet and his words seemed more like an insult than words of concern.

"Your words tire me. Maybe we should forget about the deal so I can get some sleep instead", she replied and watched his expression closely.

A spark of fear gave him away.

"You know the details of my punishment", he said defensively, "There is no need to elaborate further."

"There is. But I will not force you... yet. Today, however, I shall demand your uncertainty."

Loki shook his head, but it was rather a sign of resignation than refusal.

_Thor begged me to come back twice during my attack on Midgard. The first time we were on a mountain, right after he had taken me from your plane. His arguments were so predictable, so typically asgardian and they did nothing but fuel my bitterness. It was proof my decision to let go and fall into the space between worlds was the right one. The naive trust he still put in me was admirable; for a mortal, that is. _

_The second time was different. We were on the verge of a full-scale war and I looked upon the city when my never-again-brother decided to try a final time. He pointed at the destroyed building and madness and** chaos** down below and asked me if that was what I wanted. _

_He is a man of limited intelligence, you of all people should know, but in this moment, he made me hesitate. My goal was to rule, to proof something to myself and killing meaningless mortals was not part of that. _

_So what did I want? I cannot tell you, for it remains a mystery to me._

_Thor said it was not too late to stop it. For a brief moment, a glimpse of time, I almost believed him. I was ready to stop and surrender, when I saw he was wrong. There has never been a chance for gods to change. Stability of character should be a godly trait._

_Do not get me wrong- I did not hesitate when I dropped him off the plane in a security cell to die._

_Facing Odin for the first time after the events in your Manhattan was a curious experience. I waited for a second too long to drop on my knees before him._

_The guards never liked me, even though I was the only one leaving them in peace. All I ever did was ignore them._

_They forced me to kneel._

_I see your smile, Miss Romanoff, and I too see the irony in this procedure. _

_Their spears cut into the back of my head and let the blood flow- and it proved me Odin had finally seen I never was his son. _

_I had expected to feel happy he accepted the truth; I felt empty. Not sad, but not rejoiced either. It was not right, that much I knew._

_Your offer rendered me speechless. I expected Thor to come and split my skull with Mjolnir or maybe Barton- but not you of all people. _

_I did not trust you and I still don't. But I believe you will keep your side of the bargain once the truth has been told, no matter how meaningless it may be. _

_I wondered what you wanted with the information, until you asked for my hostility or resentment. I do not feel it anymore, no matter how much I dislike the thought I ever did so in the first place.  
You take it from me, somehow, Widow. Somehow you manage to take what you make me talk about._

_I have no idea if that is a good or a bad thing- we shall see, shall we not?_

"You are delirious. I cannot just take somebody's abilities to feel"; Natasha interrupted. She did not like the sound of that.

"I know the truth when I happen to encounter it by accident", he simply responded and turned away, "And I can tell you I am uncertain about it no longer."

Goosebumps crept up her skin and she wondered if she was going insane after all this time. Or was he?

She was not sure anymore.


	10. Ten: Despair

**I do apologize for not uploading yesterday. Today, my skin was burning in the sun and I am having a headache and everything is cool. Haha. You know? Like, sunburn and cool and... yeah, I will just go in my corner now.**

**You have fun with the chapter. (I read all the reviews. I love you all. I love you. And you there with the favourites. And the followers. And the viewers who hate it all and want Frostiron smut. I love you. And the ducks! How could I ever forget...)**

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**Ten: Despair**

Natasha no longer felt as though Loki was the exiled. Nick Fury refused to send her out on field missions; she was bound to stay in S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters. The Avengers had long since been dismissed and although Stark tried to stay in constant contact with all of them it was impossible considering their different professions and interests. Bruce was locked up in a laboratory of his own free will, Rogers was needed in different war ones, Stark had his research, Thor had to rule a realm and Clint... Clint had to sell his soul and murder.

If Natasha had not spoken to Loki herself, she would've thought his mind control was still working. Sometimes she wished it was.

"We are almost halfway done."

"And so am I", Loki said drily and waved his hand in a dismissive gesture, "I grow worried."

"Will you make it?", she asked and a part of her hoped he would refuse to go further.

He smiled diabolically. Fallen right into the trap, she thought, my mind is getting slow from his stories.

"I was not referring to me, Miss Romanoff."

She genuinely smiled at him for the first time. It was no hostility; it was the certainty of knowing so much more.

She wondered whose story was told when she spoke.

"I demand your despair this time."

"Ailing the man that almost destroyed you is ironic, is it not? And yet I thank you."

_Everything seemed clear when I grabbed hold of the spear that saved me from falling into the abyss. I did not even mean to; it was a reflex, a last desperate grasp at hope. _

_My whole mind was a turmoil of even more desperate thoughts, I was in ruins. I never knew what being lied to could to do somebody. I did not feel regret at the time- I was not capable of feeling anything. And I saw that indeed proved to be a relief. Free of sentiment you can rationally decide and not be hurt anymore; everyone should be able to accomplish this._

_I knew there was no turning back. A life in Asgard... it would destroy me. Surrounded by traitors and liars even worse than me, crawling before me in sympathy and begging me to just be **right** again.  
I cannot be made right, Miss Romanoff, I am who I am now. Atonement means taking my intelligence and knowledge and that would make me a shell, crying to repent at your mortal's feet. I cannot be made right._

_So when I saw the rejection in my once-father's eyes, his words mimicking the sentiment, I knew I had to let go. I did not plan to survive._

_I see the accusation in your eyes; I was supposed to die and never do what I did. And now? What to make of it?_

_When the Chitauri took hold of my mind, it was barely the same. My despair knowing the abyss below my feet was a silent one, an inner need I could not satisfy.  
Their torture made me beg. I wanted them to stop, but that shall be another story. What I need to tell you of is the day I realized there was no way out but one. I did not want to be enslaved another time, but the pure and simple loathing of death pushed me over the edge of obedience._

_I knelt before them back then, trembling, hating and yet craving their support. They saved my life and spared it, no matter how often they decided to prove my immortality. _

_And I knew I wanted what they offered me. You may not understand, but I feared what they would make me become... and I knew I could not decline. I needed the power to force others to respect me, to bow and **listen**... and they did._

_The third kind of the despair is what brought me here. _

_Asgard left me in silence and yet they began to push me- they wanted to hear my words. As you know, I had never before found myself wanting to stay silent; but what they demanded was honesty and that is just not who I am, Widow. Let me pervert and twist the truth, until I might have use of it- but the mass of words spilling from my mouth as **revelations** disgust me. I do not want to hear what the monster inside me thinks, I want it to be quiet and tame and **gone**._

_In moments of truth, I see we are one and the same. Two sides of the same coin, as you would say, or rather the same side exactly. _

"Is that what makes you want to die, eventually? Is that what it all adds up to?", Natasha asked in an almost enforcing manner.

Loki had stopped pacing and stood in the middle of his cell, his arms crossed. Inside the white chamber he was lost, she realized, and he would never get out again.  
She was the last he would ever talk to.


	11. Eleven: Disappointment

**Eleven: Disappointment**

Fury was not happy to hear of the deal Natasha had made without his authorization to even talk to the prisoner. Loki was supposed to stay where he was as long as it needed for a god to decay or go insane so they could dispose of him without interfering with human rights. It had taken some time to convince S.H.I.E.L.D. those applied to deities from outer space.

But he could do nothing against the promise she had given to the villain. It was no official transaction and nothing had happened that offended his law.

Once Loki died, however, it would be a violation of their rule- it angered Natasha she would not even get punished for such an act. No, it would be freeing for Fury and his organization.

So what, she asked herself, so what if it was. There was no other way, for neither of them.

"You are early", Loki said. He lay on his back, arms crossed and eyes wide. Instead of choosing the makeshift cod, he had chosen to sleep on the ground.

"I can come back later, if you wish to stare at the ceiling a while longer."

At any other time he would have chuckled at her, but all he did was look away.

Natasha knew she had taken too much already, but it could not end now. As he had said- _there was no going back_.

"I demand your disappointment."

"Splendid."

_Thor showed his strength to Odin on several occasions. Oh, how I hated to see the Allfather's gaze turn from strict to soft looking at his first and favourite son. He was a different man around the golden Asgard's prince._

_I once showed one of my spells to him, a simple one, really. I turned a vase into an animal, right before his eyes. It had taken me hours to do so and I was proud to accomplish it so that my **father** would see._

_He hit me in the face and called me a disgrace. Studying a woman's art and even showing it to people as though it meant something... it was unprecedented. _

_Thor never made fun of me because of it anymore- he actually understood. But even though he knew and appreciated what I did, he never stood up for me. _

_Only now, that I went insane with pain, as he thinks, he speaks in my favor behind my back._

_I expected the man of iron to understand. I deduced of what I read of him that he was a genius and one with experience with torture- I thought he would realize what happened and come up with something to persuade me. A single right word and I may change my mind- that is part of what defines me, Miss Romanoff. I would have it no other way._

_Another failed expectation surprised me in prison. I know nobody was allowed to visit me, but my not-brother and not-mother are stubborn. They would have found a way to see me if they had ever wanted to. _

_I hate them... and yet it killed me not to insult them. I wondered, back then, would the spell of truth allow me to? _

"Fury came to see me today", Loki stated. He still didn't move.

Natasha froze and waited for him to continue.

"He told me they kept the tapes of our conversations. That you were not allowed to kill me."

"And you believe him?"

"I do. He has no reason to lie."

She walked closer to his cage and studied his face. Loki had closed his eyes and yet she felt as though he insulted her with his gaze. An inward stare, she thought, he is capable of everything.

"I keep my promises", she said and forced a reassuring smile on her face.

_I expected Thanos to arrive here earlier. _

"What?"

_He was supposed to kill me before I even got to this point. _

_I wonder if he knows what the truth does to me._

"Will he come here?"

_He does not have time for your petty realm. Thanos will claim Asgard and erase you at the same time without even thinking twice. Unlike me, he has cheated death before and is not afraid to do it again._

_I could have done it. For me, that is. If it was not for a bunch of feeble mortals dressed as fools and clowns and jokers, I could have done it._

_What does that make me?_

"One of our kind, probably. You could try, you know."

_Try to fit in? I could never. That is not who I am._

"You are no god. You can change."

_Where does the sudden change of mind come from? Do I appear so pitiful to you?_

"If I can change, it should be a piece of cake for you", Natasha said.

Loki shrugged.

"And what should I ever want with these changes you so love? They cannot make me right. _**You**_ _ca_nnot make me right."

It was what Natasha had expected; that did not make it better.


	12. Twelve: Joy

**I know it is short. I know. But I will post another one tomorrow and then probably wait quite some time... My english school is starting the day after tomorrow and I am very excited. (I am on an exchange year 3). So yeah.**

**Another thing I wanted to ask of you, doesn't matter if you review for it or send me a message: I am writing a story that kind of explaines what "The Darkest Place" actually is. It is a "real" fiction, if you want to put it that way, so featuring all the Avengers, not just finished yet. I just wanted to ask you if I should finish this here first or not. Just write "TDP" and then yes or no. Only takes a few seconds.**

**Thank you so much for the new followers! I do not have the time to write a PM to everyone, so just feel yourself talked to when I say: Stay awesome, bros!**

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**Twelve: Joy**

As Steve returned from his last mission, he ran right into Natasha. The blank look he gave her before storming off was nothing new anymore. His gentlemanly ways never allowed a reaction as impolite as that; it was something wrong with her now, it seemed.

Natasha took the news calmly. Three friends lost were two to go, after all. And she doubted Stark could ever not talk to a woman.

She had tried to talk to Loki earlier, but he seemed to be asleep most of the time. A sudden power cut had allowed him to ignore the brightness of the walls and the cameras around him; their eyes were blinded now.

Natasha smiled to herself. She had learned which wires to cut.

"I demand your joy."

There was something twisted about her words and she wondered if she would ever come to regret them. Was it too early to choose this particular sentiment? On the other hand, she knew it was not important to him anymore.

Loki yawned and leaned his head against the glass as he sat down on the cot. With one leg dangling over the edge and the other one pulled close, he looked even more like a street magician.

"Are you getting _desperate_, Miss Romanoff?", he asked with an affected smirk.

"Only a few emotions to go, Loki. I am doing you a favor, not vice versa."

"Then I shall comply", he replied charmingly.

His eyes had lost their malicious spark, though. They looked dead now.

_Thor has always been there. And the much I felt like luggage when we were around his friends, the times we actually got to talk and act like brothers were pleasant. It was a beautiful lie, as you would call it and I find myself wondering how it could ever be this way. Whatever I thought back then, however impossible it seems now; it is a good thing to remember these times. I do not want them to return, if that is what you are intending to pity me for._

_I came across different species during my travels, so many realms exiled me for no reason after the attack on Midgard. There were the dwarves, however, beings I once despised and the feeling was mutual._

_But they did not look at me with pity when they learned of my treatment, they did not cheer either. They asked what I thought of it; they said it was fitting and then they left it to the Aesir to spit on me and cry their tears of **joy**._

_You may think me strange for enjoying such a minor situation; but it pleased me._

_Dr. Selvig looked at me with his eyes shining with proof of the control I held over him as he told me how much the Tesseract had taught him. He had seen something greater and better than everything he ever used to know.  
It is a perfect future the cube shows you, a memory of your favourite day with your favourite person in all the worlds. No matter what happens, you feel pure bliss even facing death and demise.  
You would call it heaven, I think. You begin to feel like a part of something so much more important than you._

_I remember the first minute I falsely believed my plan to be working. I had come from the portal, the Chitauri's realm and first used my scepter on your friend Barton. I saw it **work**. It was incredible. _

_I chose him for a reason; you might want to tell him. His heart was corrupted, but good; I knew him to be loyal, yet effective.  
I know more of him than you do, I suppose. He told me everything, and the annoying it might sound, I quite liked it.  
Do not tell me how nice it is to see people put trust in you. I am telling you all this not for trust or loyalty; I demand your everything in return._

_But the much I hate to admit it, it comes always back to Thor. He was so present in my whole childhood and he used to be more than a reminder of how young I really am._

_I wonder what redemption could mean for me, if I was willing to try; would it allow me to forget? Or forgive, at least?_

_I doubt it. _

Natasha could not think of an answer that would not hurt his few remaining feelings.  
"Thanks for sharing. Enjoy the rest of the day."

She left.

He would never.


	13. Thirteen: Pain

**Thirteen: Pain**

"Are you sure about that?", Loki asked and shifted uncomfortably, "I am not sure if you can take it."

It was reverse psychology of course, but Natasha appreciated the fake concern.

"I demand your pain, and the story of how it came into being, but first you have to allow me to treat your wounds."

Fury had never accepted to actually let her enter the god's prison, but she could not care less at the moment. After all, they had created a basis of respect; the Widow and the Frost Giant, the beauty and the beast- she just wondered who was who. Their ledgers were gushing red; both of them.

She dialed in a number in the electric keypad and the door slid open.

Loki's expression was priceless, it seemed as though he had never expected her to go through with her plan. As the door closed, he got up on his feet and moved away from her quickly.

"What are you afraid of?", Natasha asked and strode around the cell like a predator seeking its prey.  
Loki shook his head and nervously clasped his hands.  
"I will relive every second of what has happened and what if... I cannot control myself? I am still capable of killing you; and if I react this way, who shall end me? No one else will do me the favor."

His motives were selfish, of course, it was obvious he could not forget his ways like that.

The Widow moved closer. When she got close to him, she grabbed his collar and forced him to sit down.  
"Relax. I want to see how your wrists and your neck are doing. Start talking, if that will calm you."

It was a nuisance, really; but she had witnesses the smallest reaction when he moved his head, a short sign of strain, no longer than a second.

Loki looked at her with his eyes that looked so huge in his thin face. She saw the god, still, the monster; but he had told her how young of age he actually was and she also saw him as Thor's little brother now. The one he had told the Avengers about with that distant look in his eyes that signaled both pain and joy.

_The Chitauri took me in after I fell from the Bifrost. _

_I was not treated as one of them, as I had first thought._

_I was meat to them._

_Meat to be butchered._

_Meat to be torn._

_Meat to be tasted._

_One thing they loved was to torture you until you were forced to kill yourself so you would never return to their lair. It never helped in my case, naturally- I am immortal, I am not granted with the gift of suicide._

_I was forced to eat my tongue once. They told me it would grow anew after a while, I would get used to it... I did not, Miss Romanoff. And I cannot forget this easily._

_Sometimes, they made me dream of times long gone. So that I would break upon waking. I never surrendered, though. One thought never left my mind-_

_If my family loved me as much as they claimed, why did they leave me in such a place? With the all-seeing eyes of Heimdall they could have seen I was not dead- so why would they not come for me?_

_I never thought I had to come back when I left._

_As your monster, the one you call Bruce, decided to unleash his anger upon me, the dis-believer... he broke my every last bone and stretched every sinew to its extent. I was remodeled, molded anew as he decided to beat me into submission. His power was inhuman and frightening... and yet I did not feel any worse than I did in the Chitauri's hands. _

_He never hurt me for the single purpose of watching my pain; the Hulk did it to make me stop something he considered wrong. And he stopped as soon as I did._

_It was a different kind of pain. I knew I was right, I believed in it... and yet his ambition beat mine. His strength broke mine. _

_I did not feel like a god back then and I still don't._

_The Chitauri reclaimed me when I stayed in my asgardian prison. This time, they did not even show interest in the results of their treatment anymore, they did not laugh and point at my blood anymore. They stood around me resembling a choir with their mouths sewn shut. They stood and stared and never talked anymore._

_I was no prisoner in their eyes, they could have stuck me on a meat hook and it would never have made any difference. _

Loki never noticed he had squeezed her arm at one point with enough force to hurt her- and she would not mention it.

His wrists and neck were fine, but his mind wasn't. Natasha briefly considered asking Stark to talk to the traumatized deity; but she feared it would end up as a war of words that could kill the weaker man. And she was no longer sure who the lucky one was.

"We will stop for now, that is enough."

Loki looked up, confused and disorientated.

"Y-yes. Of course."

The troubles would end soon enough. For the moment it sufficed to know the pain was no longer his to bear.

Natasha could take it.


	14. Fourteen: Fear

**Fourteen: Fear**

Natasha decided to make a habit out of her security breach.

"Whenever you come here, you make it better and worse, easy my conscience and put a burden on my shoulder", Loki greeted her. It worried her how tired he always looked and acted; if he did not have the strength to conceal his weakness, it was a severe illness gnawing on him.

"I am trying to keep it that way. We are not friends, Loki."

Natasha was aware of the fact that it made him nervous when she entered his cage and it helped her a lot. This way she would never forget they were enemies.

"Indeed we are not. But I doubt there is a person in the nine realms that is ever permitted to earn your friendship."

"Even if I allowed it, you would never accept. Not if it interferes with my judgment", she said and meant it.  
Natasha sat down beside him; Loki watched her cautiously, never leaving his cross-legged meditation position. It was not perfect as a substitute to sleep, but the lights still burned, day in, day out.

"I demand your fear", she said softly.

Loki nodded slowly.

"It was about time."

_Asgard was supposed to protect me. It is a cage, of course, a golden cage of faked courtesy and responsibilities. I am no longer citizen of the city and banished from all realms beside yours; but back then, my expectation was still present._

_As a political prisoner and former member of the royal family, I should have been safe from harm in their custody._

_Then they came for me once more._

_I heard it from the guards, through their whispers and laughs, hidden underneath their smiles and never-smiling eyes. First, I did not see what was going on; but after days of hesitation, one of the servants told me. Her expression was full of joy; she could not wait to see the monster leave her eternal and happy world._

_I snapped her neck, but my hands trembled and it took longer than expected. Inside the timeless town I always felt separated from everyone else- but suddenly they were close. And with every day that passed they came closer._

_I wonder what is worse; the torture or the wait that leads to it? _

_The Chitauri are what fear means to me. Their power is little at present, but their cruelty will never cease. It was what they did to my brain and self-consciousness that let the terror invade my every sense.  
They convinced me I was no being anymore, no thinking creature, but a **something** worth the pain they put me through. I believed them, even though I knew it was no acceptable truth._

_I saw your city fall and yet there were signs of the end of my army; their losses were high, casualties began to mount. And I knew what awaited me paired with failure. _

_I wonder what would have happened if I had agreed to return to Asgard with Thor before the army fell. I would not be here, that much is clear. _

_As they forced me down on my knees before Odin, humiliated and silenced, a thought shot through my mind. Numbed by hatred I asked myself if there indeed **was** something wrong with me._

_Are my thoughts twisted? Am I unworthy of everyone but the mortals of Midgard, begging for death at the hand of their finest? _

_It lasted a second, not more, but it frightened me to no end. _

_It all started when I stood before the Casket of Ancient Winters and pondered how to tell my father I knew of my true heritage. What if I had refused to tell him of my knowledge? I could have lived there happily, ignorantly until the dawn of Ragnarok- and yet I chose to ask._

_I was scared to speak my mind and risk my whole life for a simple truth, the simplest of them all... _

_There was no going back._

_I have been past the point of no return several times- I feel as though I am crossing the border every once in awhile.  
Every last of the memories I allow you to see is another act of consistency- now that our deal has almost come to an end, I cannot just back out._

_They will find me everywhere I go._

"What does it feel like?", Loki asked and stared blankly at the ground before them.

"I beg your pardon?"

"To fear twice. To fear what I fear."

Natasha smiled.

"It makes no difference."

And yet she felt he had a right to know.


	15. Fifteen: Shame

**So, it has come this far. I cannot believe we are already at chapter 15... time flies by. Thank you so much for all the followers and reviews and whatevers. I am honored :) I have finished the story I have been talking about, like, two chapters ago, but as people suggested, I will wait before I post it. **

**Working on so many things at once right now... have a look at my profile, if you want to know about my future projects for Avengers.**

**Take care out there.**

* * *

**Fifteen: Shame**

_I bowed my head when they accused me of stealing; I knelt when they wanted to know a truth they predetermined. _

_But I never..._

"Who are you talking to?", Natasha asked as she casually walked in.

Loki looked up and shrugged.

"I am not talking to anyone. There is no meaning to this procedure against loneliness."

"So you are lonely? I should come by more often."

"I entertain myself by watching the cameras move from side to side every two minutes and thirty-six seconds. Sometimes they are a few moments late"; he replied drily and closed his eyes.

Only five more days. Five more talks. And they were only just getting real.

Natasha had noticed how curious Thor acted when he visited their world. He had always run to see Jane Foster, of course, but now he never returned.  
She figured there was only Stark left, the only one she would have agreed to lose. Not as an ally, but as a conversational partner. His intellect made it hard to deal with him; the god before her had become easy to deal with.

"I demand your shame."

Loki threw his head back and laughed maniacally.

"So personal. And yet so necessary."

_When I began studying magic, I knew it was a woman's art. I was used to be made fun of; most of the people did not care what it was I did. I never cared._

_But then, one day, when the insults got worse and expanded inside my mind I burned them. I was a child back then, a foolish, infantile child desperate for attention of the ones I loved; but I did not kill the imbeciles._

_I was sent before the council, trialled and punished. _

_They made me beg for mercy and swear never to use my powers again. They made me **beg** for atonement._

_I despise the mental image of who I was back then, what a weak, pathetic child. I gave up who I was for the sake of their pleasure and that submission disgusts me still._

_In the end I would always kneel before the ones I claimed to hate and love. _

_When I saw Thor fight in Jotunheim, I knew I had made the right decision. He was not ready to be king of a realm._

_Oh, how bravely he fought; but he presented himself, a desperate craving for glory. I got sick of his impatience and nature of falling for trap._

_Yes, Miss Romanoff, I know how obvious it is we are not brothers. I can't pretend I always knew, but in these moments a part of me did._

_I was ashamed to be a part of the asgardian society. They lived in decadence and gluttony where others realms suffered; they got so high on their own standards that progress became blasphemy._

_Their culture, their knowledge, their language... they stole it, found it or borrowed it- there are no inventors among the Aesir, no scholars, no intellectuals.  
I grow so tired of them._

_When Thor entered the helicopter and took me with him, I knew it was time to explain.  
My actions are not understandable, he said, how could I turn out so **false**? Why can I not be like him and his father and mother in their glorious eternal prison? _

_And yet taking the responsibility felt uncomfortable. I never was someone to earn praise, rather scolding; and it took me back to days long gone._

_The day when they sewed my mouth shut._

_The day I was cast out to Hel for a brief visit._

_The day Sif locked me up in a prison cell and waited three days before she told someone._

_It resembled the day of trial- I felt their stares on me, sneaking their way past my mind defenses. It always invaded my mind; this patient, pitying look that marked the failure they saw in me._

_Funny really, how wrong they were. I accomplished so much more than any of them. I changed so much more._

_When I was a child, I used to have nightmares frequently. _

_Nightmares of eternal ice and creatures of the snow._

_Nightmares of my family's death._

_Nightmare's of being forgotten._

_I used to wake up and walk to Thor's room, ask him for comfort. He always growled and listened to the whole story, before telling me all would be well. It amuses me now, to remember this closure, this bond of brothers. _

_I do not miss it. _

"You do, don't you?"

_I never want to go back._

"Yet you will."


	16. Sixteen: Grief

**A longer chapter for you. I know, it is still short, but I will definitely post another one tomorrow. Tmrw'll be writing day. Loving it and loving you guys.**

**Thank you so much for your support. I really appreciate it. Again, I knew it would be hard to find people who were not interested in the common romance or slash stories and that is what makes me so very proud. **

**Stay awesome.**

* * *

**Sixteen: Grief**

He had made her soft, Natasha realized. The trickster god had made her weak without even intending to. Maybe that was his worst ability; to influence people's mind by simple _being_. His presence calmed her and all those ridiculous sentiments of empathy had crept up her spine and infested her skull.  
It was not love, nor was it hate anymore. But it surely was no longer the indifference that was appropriate.

Perhaps it was an inevitable side effect of the truth she forced him to spit at her feet. Perhaps, that was.

"What are your plans for the time after my execution?", he asked her calmly, as she sat down beside him.

Natasha did not like the thought any longer, however, she considered it a necessary evil still.

"What makes you believe it would change something?"

Loki shook his head.

"Do not play games with a dying god, Miss Romanoff. I see through that lie so easily."

She hesitated a moment too long to actually deny it.

"I have nothing planned yet."

They sat in comfortable silence for awhile. No, they would never become friends or allies; but not slitting each other's throats was good enough for the moment. And besides that particular moment, what chance would they ever have again?

It was almost done, that trade of liars.

"I demand your grief."  
Loki relaxed, as though he had expected something worse.

Natasha knew there were worse sentiments to come, but she allowed him to take a break. If only for a day.

_I saw Odin fall, my father and yet-again-not-father, I saw him fall to his knees and tumble to the floor. I was looking down on him; the stairs shining golden, as everything did, in this sparkling, mocking way that still haunts me in my dreams. _

_I knew he was not dead, but to me it felt as though my father had died that very moment. I had not intended to... I did not want him to be hurt just as much. I wanted him to see; I wanted him to admit he had used me, locked me up as a stolen relic... I wanted him to deny me his love. It would make living a lot easier._

_And yet... as I saw him, the most powerful being in all the nine realms, so vulnerable and unreachable even for those he claimed to love... I felt myself swaying as well. _

_Why would you lie? And now, why don't you fight back, why must you make me feel so weak when it is you that falls?_

_I was so young in these moments, so childishly hurt._

_I reached for his hand, barely touching it in the end. I could not bring myself to comfort him or try to get him to **live** again... he was a stranger to me._

_I witnessed an execution once.  
They are common occurrences in Asgard, but not the ones requiring an audience. The whole realm and others were present; a traitor to all the realms will be humiliated._

_His name was Fenrir, a feral creature of the outer lands of Asgard. I had heard of him; a monster born in the swamps, destined to dedicate himself to the one cause our worlds predicted for him. _

_Somewhere in the future he would kill the Allfather, tear him to shreds with his terrible jaws and ferocious claws. Odin would fall, just as inevitably as every other story foretold._

_Sometimes I wondered if the Aesir did not notice that decisions like these would only happen to facilitate prophecy to become reality._

_What if Odin had never slain the Fenris-wolf? Maybe the creature would have shown mercy on the destined day. Maybe it would have remembered._

_A deal could have been made, a pact that instead united the realms... but the gods are arrogant._

_So the wolf was slaughtered before the king, for a crime no one knew he would commit. A 'maybe' is enough for Odin Allfather._

"Was he your son?"

"I beg your pardon?"; Loki asked, visibly confused.

Natasha shrugged.

"In the tales told on earth, Fenrir is your son. With a giant woman, if I remember correctly."

"I am sorry to disappoint you, I do not have any children", he replied and shook his head, "Albeit I admit it would give the whole story another facet."

_I promised my mother I would make the frost giants pay for what they had done. She was proud, so very proud I had saved my father... and even though it was a shallow victory, a shallow attention, I enjoyed it. _

_Then Thor approached and ruined the moment. Oh, he ruined so much more..._

_And for the first time I could see him looking at me._

_Of course, he had acknowledged me before, his eyes gently passing over me._

_But he looked at me this very second, Miss Romanoff, and he finally saw me as an equal._

_I thought I would be happy the day this happened.  
I wish I had been stronger and felt relief at his inquisitive and cautious glare._

_Now it is different. Now I could have controlled my sentiments._

_But back then... I simply wished it could have happened a different way._

"He is here at the moment."

Loki looked down.

"I know", he said and his voice betrayed the turmoil he still felt.

Natasha watched him carefully. She had broken the deity, tricked him into opening himself up; only a little while longer.

Only a little while.


	17. Seventeen: Anger

**Hey there, if you got time to spare (Apart from reading this chapter and leave a review *cough* of course, because I do that all the time... Eheheheh.) check out the poll on my profile. I am trying to write a pairing fiction because I have never done that and I want to see how it would turn out. More info is in the poll.**

**Hey-yah.**

**Shit just got real. **

* * *

**Seventeen: Anger**

Fury had not even mentioned the security breach to her. He was like the others; Natasha ceased to exist in their minds. Or maybe she was superstitious about it and they tried to make a point with their behavior. If they tried to make her abandon her mission now, they were wrong about her, so very wrong. She had made a promise and it strengthened her resolve.

Loki paced again. She entered his prison quietly and noticed he was counting his steps, turning every seventh.

On the third time he got to six, she cleared her throat.

He turned in her direction quickly and she knew it was not a good idea to enter his cell today. His eyes were gleaming once more, with rage and the want to instigate a fight.

In a swift motion he pressed his hands against the glass and grinned.

"Miss Romanoff, what a pleasant surprise! Are you here for another of your ridiculous talking sessions?", he began.

Natasha kept quiet and waited for him to end.

He went on, as though he had to work off a list, tiring with each insult. It as a vomiting of words rather than speaking; a possessed speech forced off his mouth.

The volume he screamed at her with increased steadily and Natasha knew that at the latest from now he was not in control anymore. Showing emotion was a weakness and Loki knew that.

He stopped in mid-sentence and blinked rapidly before stumbling backwards. It seemed to take a lot of effort to keep upright; he slumped down onto the cot.

Natasha calmly opened the door to his cell, closed it behind her and sat down beside him once more.

"I-"

"No, don't explain yourself", she interrupted him, "This is what you wanted. Live with the consequences."

He exhaled heavily once and ran his fingers though his hair.

"I feel the urge to start screaming, tearing apart everything you ever owned", he said silently, "Ask your question already."

Natasha despised being ordered around; however, in times like these she would make an exception.

"I eventually demand your anger."

_Seeing Thor walk around the shining, glistening halls, so perfectly settling into the picture made me want to snap his neck right there. He paraded around the people, winking at women all around. His father may have looked down upon him with an uncertainty in his eyes, but he never reconsidered making an arrogant buffoon like his son ascend to the throne._

_He praised him, called him his heir and mentioned Mjolnir, the weapon rivaling his own.  
I watched and waited. And my want to see him fall grew._

_Sif and the Warriors Three have always been Thor's best of friends. I wondered what he saw in them, all I ever witnessed is stupidity and arrogance._

_They hated me because I was close to my once-brother and because he chose to side with me often. I brought chaos and mischief and they feared for his life and his only._

_They learned of my true heritage some time after I first returned to Asgard._

_And all off a sudden I was no longer only the younger brother, the wicked god killing them in their nightmares... I was a monster and they were allowed to treat me as one._

_Their words did not hurt, they instigated me. I wanted to rip their heads off and fill it with inappropriate thoughts of vengeance; I wanted them to **see**._

_I grow violent in rage, as every Aesir does. I do not know about the Frost Giant nature, but in our worlds the people resemble each other._

_Thor had developed a love for the races he had sought to kill and it enraged me. When I had chosen to do what he did in order to get what he had gotten, he changed his ways to mine and was loved for it still?_

_It was never fair. I was considered jealous when I was simply right and thinking of it almost provokes me to scratch off your skin to the last little space. Or maybe mine would suffice. Sometimes it is hard to tell._

_They told me they wanted to protect me from the truth, but all they did was misjudge my nature. Wait for someone to be ready so you can destroy their life? I had lived with their people all this time, endured torture and humiliation born of double standards... and suddenly it had all been for nothing?_

_Anger makes me forget the better times. There are none, I tell myself, there never were days of hope._

"We are almost finished"; Natasha said and smiled.

"We are."

He raised his chin and his lips twitched with the urge to grin.

She suddenly wondered again if she had fallen for one of his traps.

And still she did not mind.


	18. Eighteen: Pride

**Hey there, everyone! I am Serenity, of the UK, and I am burdened with the glorious purpose to bring you this chapter. This story will probably be finished by Sunday, can you believe it? You probably can. Damn. My point is, however, that I cannot believe how much support I got for this. Thank you all- and I apologize for not posting every day as I promised. You deserve better and here you go with my attempt at recompense.**

**And again: It would be AMAZING if you could vote for the poll at my profile, concerning different Avengers stories I have in mind. Only takes a minute and helps me out a ton. If you have voted already, you have my thanks :)**

**Alright. No more rambling. Except maybe that this is only the first story of the installment I write. Which does not mean there will be a sequel; you can see them as based in the same universe, though. Just saying. Probably told you already. Heyeyaahyeah.**

**So, don't forget to vote and- *gets shocked* **

**Have fun with it! **

* * *

**Eighteen: Pride**

Stark stared right through her that day and the meeting before her unfolded without Natasha. They did not notice, nor did they mention her- she did not know what was happening and yet she partly hated and enjoyed this newfound silence.

She did not have to watch her back as long as she was not seen at all; she could go where she wanted and do whatever she dreamed of.

But Natasha knew, somewhere inside her heart that had long since forgotten how to beat for more than her mission, that did not suffice. And as she finally, after the long time of absence stood near Clint- without touching or looking at him, just _being _there- it was not enough.  
Oh, how she despised herself to crave for his laughter and comfort; for his attention.

So she turned around and ran, ran to see the one standing between her and the goal.

The storm in her mind unleashed when he saw Loki; so calm, so serene- he should be boiling in his own blood for what he had done to all of them... and her.

As she started shouting and hitting the glass, hissing truths, he simply looked at her, unwavering.

"So why the fuck, why the fuck are you looking at me?", she screeched and kept on shouting. So weak, so mortal.

Then, somewhere between truths and lies, bordering on delusion, she heard her own voice. Too loud, too angry, too much of her. The more Natasha showed, the less did Widow- and they could not exist apart.

She sunk to the ground, hair wild and messy- and looked up at him.

Loki towered before her, on the other side of the glass.  
"What is happening?", she whispered.

"Today and two more, Miss Romanoff."

He sat down elegantly and waited until she processed what he had said.

"Natasha."

"I beg your pardon?"

"My name is Natasha", she repeated quietly.

Loki nodded.

"Well then, Natasha. Demand."

She hesitated only a moment.

"Your pride. I demand your pride."

_What a wonderful choice. It would be too easy to take it as the last sentiment, right? Not only forced to be honest, but also to feel everything, to actually beg for the kill I crave... interesting choice._

_I wonder what it restores to you, this most subtle of humiliations._

_I take what you give and you get what I once owned- I assume that is fair. I have heard of your very own problems and desires, I can see how it benefits you to see me fallen._

_You should have seen me, bursting with joy, as I first learned to cast a spell. I told you it was destroyed only seconds later, but I knew in this very moment I had created something by myself, developed something important. I was someone back then- and in the second of success I thoroughly enjoyed being this certain someone._

_I saw my brother before his coronation. And the much I desired to ruin his big day, I... it was a good feeling to see him standing there. He had come a long way and no matter how many things he had done to wrong me even back then; he was my brother. And I... _

"Not yet"; he interrupted himself and smiled.

Natasha did not yet know what he meant.

_As they decided to seal part of my magic and use it against me, I knew they considered me a threat to Asgard's safety and I liked the feeling. I was no longer looked down upon, I was feared. At least I had accomplished as much._

_Have you ever seen what your future holds for you, Natasha? I highly doubt it and even though it changed a whole world, I do not recommend it._

_They told me I was destined to destroy Asgard during Ragnarok. I would bring upon their end, I would take revenge on every last of them and enjoy it._

_Look at me now._

_I will die on Midgard of all places, killed willingly by a woman.  
But what I am saying is not... I am enjoying every second this thought enters my mind. It means I have won; it shows they are fallible and caught in their own deranged world of no time and age... I will have won. _

_Tell me what they looked like in their confusion and fear, Widow. Tell me or lie, I will not care anymore. _

_The Chitauri chose me. After all they did to me, I still cherished this thought. All their punishment or study only added up to this little thought- they had not chosen Thor or Odin or any other god... _

_I was easy to manipulate and I still am. But even behind all that they saw something more, something my so-called-family never noticed._

_I was dangerous._

"So here you are", he said, "Now get up on your feet and leave me. You shall have your fun with what is left of me now tomorrow."

Natasha wondered how the tears had ever come to her eyes and how pathetically her posture was. What a ridiculous thought, the Widow mused, her begging for the pride of a god.

She would return another day, to ask what it felt like.

As if she knew.

As if.


	19. Nineteen: Regret

**Only three chapters left.. two if you decide not to count this one. Chapter 21 will be posted on Sunday, together with the first chapter/prologue of "Rising Tide & Fallen Empires", make sure to check it out then. **

**20 will probably be there on Saturday night or Sunday morning. **

**Again, thank you so much for participating in the poll, it helps me out greatly. If you haven't voted for the pairings yet, go ahead and do your best! Only takes you a minute :)**

**Thank you so much for your continuos support; I want to thank Apayin for the incredible loyal reviewing and fangirling over my stories... and all you anonymous readers out there! I love you all. As long as you enjoy what I write, I do not mind the whole review-thing that much. Won't make me stop writing, ever.**

**Here, have some! Freshly brewed!**

* * *

**Nineteen: Regret**

Her eyes never closed that night. Somewhere outside her room was the world she had once known and now lost; what if that single execution could not reclaim what was hers? What if Loki was the last one she could talk to? Would that force her to kill her single listener?

It angered her.

He was not supposed to be important. It should have been another simple task. Another inevitable evil that would rid her of guilt.

So what had she done? Unleashed a monster she could never tame? Killed innocents?

Her eyes never closed.

On the next day she simply got up, got dressed and walked to his cell. There was no more time to linger- she wanted her life back and she wanted it now.

Loki barely moved and stayed quiet as she entered his cell. He still had his head leaned back against the glass. If it was not for his barely moving chest, he could have been dead.

Natasha quietly closed the door behind her and sat down just as silently.

"Tomorrow it will be over", she said waited for a sign of approval.

Loki hardly even breathed.

He would not make it, she thought suddenly, he would not make it and she would be lost inside this in-between-realities forever. A second of fear and she reacted, precise and determined as ever.

Natasha took his hand lightly squeezed it. His skin felt cold to the touch.

"I want you to tell me about your regrets."

"Your rooms are very well-lit on Midgard, I have to say", he said quietly and attempted a smirk, "Should I fall asleep, rest assured it is not your presence that tires me."

Natasha hid her smile well, but that did not mean she didn't feel it.

They weren't friends or lovers and yet... it did not feel right to see him like that. Was it blasphemy? What was torturing a god called?

_I should have never attempted to confront Odin with the truth. I was not willing to listen, I wanted to fight and shout until there would be no anger left inside me. But I wanted to see his face when I told him I knew. I feared he would turn his sentiments inside out, matching what I had always thought. If he had rejected me as he should, it would have never felt so wrong to see him suffer and fall. _

_I never wanted Thor to die. Humiliate him, yes; make him suffer, naturally- but I would have never craved his death. And yet I cracked and allowed my urges to kill to take over and so it unraveled..._

_My mother's face was unbelieving. My return should not have made her hurt just so much._

_I should have never accepted your offer. It will kill you along with me._

"I know", Natasha said bitterly, "But there is nothing I can do about it now."

_In the end, I never regretted letting go; but my fall changed everything._

_Indeed I never saw what I called home again. _

_I faced my torture of truth and then I ran. Maybe they wanted me to join their table once more, welcome me back into their family, but I was afraid._

_Being lied to once causes paranoia; and if there is one thing I know, then it is how the lies affected me._

_I should have stayed a little while longer, just to see how it would turn out._

_I should have taken that drink. _

_I should not be such a coward and take the easy way out; I did not want to be forgotten and now I will be remembered as the weak-minded, lunatic bastard son of the Allfather, the son who never fixed what he did wrong._

_I do not regret trying to subjugate Midgard. If it could change the past, I would try again until the world ends once and for all. _

_I should not have killed so many of your fellow mortals, though, there was no reason to. If I had succeeded, I would have protected them._

_I regret I did not realize sooner who I really was. If I had been as intelligent as they praised me for, I could have prevented Thor from killing many and myself from destroying even more._

_I regret not siding with someone else. I have always had a poor choice of allies._

"I want to go back in time. Start anew"; he said. His voice did not sound sad or desperate.

_But all I would ever do once the truth is no longer forced onto my lips is twist people's minds and hurt them so they do not hurt me first._

_I will never stop, that is not the nature of a god. I am unchangeable. _

Natasha smiled at the thought.

"So you still think of them as your people."

Loki sighed.

"I am tired of not doing so."

This time, she did not leave.  
They did not have any more time to wait.

The god had to die.


	20. Twenty: Love

**Alright, this is the end then, folks. **

**I am so glad for all your support and everything you did to help me and get me to keep writing. You are awesome!**

**Epilogue will be in tomorrow morning.**

**I would appreciate your final thoughts on the story! **

**Thank you everyone.**

* * *

**Twenty: Love**

"I might not be able to do it."

_You owe me as much._

"Do I? Or was all of this merely payback for your former crimes?"

_Is this love, Natasha?_

"No", she chuckled and believed herself.

_I cannot tell you this story and you know that. It is your turn. And then all will be fine once more. You shall never hear from me again._

She froze and wondered if it was all a dream. Maybe she would wake up in a few seconds, facing an empty bed or not; and then they would laugh at her weird stories of even weirder dreams.

It seemed so logical, after all- if she ever met the real Loki a second time, she would see he was different from whom she faced now.

A moment from now and she could be gone. So what could go wrong if she told this fake person what had happened? It could not hurt her. Nothing could.

"Several years ago, I was on a mission in a part of this world you would not know if I told you about. It was a war zone by the time and I was ordered to kill someone. It was a mission as every other. Back then, I still worked for my home country; I was paid well and kept alive.

I was so close to carrying out my job. I had followed the man to his private apartment and drugged his guards- it was an easy task. But when I approached the door, somebody stopped me.

I did not know who Clint was back then, he was just another name on a list. We fought and he let me win- and started reasoning with me. By then, he was ordered to kill me.

Mercy I did not take kindly at the time, I thought it was born only of pity and disrespect.

He said he had observed me the last days in order to find a way to study my habits and find a possibility to get rid of me. Clint saw through me. Within a few days he had figured out I wanted to leave and find a new employer.

He said I should join him.

Why are you doing this, I asked him, you do not know me.

You deserve a second chance, he answered and smiled, everyone does. You were just waiting for someone to trust.

I was foolish to believe him- if it had been any other, I would be dead now.

We became partners and... friends. I trust him with my life and so does he. That is all there is to it and yet I know he thinks differently.  
He asked me, the day before I came here, if we could be more than this. I denied him and asked if he intends to risk all we ever had for a childish desire to be loved.

He said yes.

Clint told me we would be unstoppable as a pair.

And what did I do? I left. I never even looked back."

She faced Loki and had no problem faking genuine hope.

"_Is_ this love? I don't know anymore", she said and shook her head, "They're all gone now. Every last of them."

"I do not owe you the answer", he replied and struggled to get to his feet, "But you owe me a bullet."

Natasha looked up and she noticed she was crying.

"You knew this would happen, didn't you?", she whispered and clenched her fists.

"Yes. But you know you can take it."

"Your twenty unnecessary sentiments?"

"Nineteen", he said, "The last one is yours to find."

Natasha sobbed once and struggled to stand up.

"I am not crying over you."

"I know", he said and snarled, "Keep your promise, Widow."

The knife was not as fast as a bullet could be, but it was sharp enough to pierce his body. Natasha felt the blade cut through his heart and his body jolted violently. Loki coughed and winced in pain; it obviously hurt him in his weakened state.

"I won't thank you", he whispered and closed his eyes, twitching ever so slightly.  
"I didn't expect you to."

They weren't friends, after all.

_All the sentiments returned in the moment of absolute truth._

_As a wave they washed over me and who am I to run from the tidal wave of mythological judgment?_

_I laughed inwardly.  
I had made it._

_Escaped the golden cage. _

_With lies and untruths... which is not true itself._

_And then I opened my eyes._

_Blinded by golden lights and shining skies._

_They greeted me- but who would..._

"Brother?"


	21. Last: Whose

**So this is it. I am glad you made it this far.**

**Rising Tide & Fallen Empires is now out and to be found here: s/8549710/1/Rising-Tide-Fallen-Empires**

* * *

**Last: Whose?**

Natasha opened her eyes and saw Clint lying next to her on the bed, their heads resting on the same pillow. She allowed herself to watch him a few moments before getting up.

The rest of the team greeted her as she walked through the halls, making fun of one another and inviting her to places she had never visited.

Thor was missing, though and she began searching for him. People showed her the way; sent her on a journey through the whole building. So many doors left unopened.

The god rested his head on the glass window that separated him from the prison area. It would always look like that- him staring at his brother, waiting for them to suddenly be okay and friends once more. It was endearing to watch.

"He asked me for help a few hours ago and I want to believe him. I want to believe he has changed; but I recall what was born of my former attempts."

Natasha nodded in his direction.

"Let me talk to him", she said, "I will find out."

Loki looked up at her and grinned his wicked welcome.

"Miss Romanoff, what a pleasant surprise! Are you here to make sure I did not overestimate my brother's capability of dealing with grief and disappointment?"

She smiled slightly.

"Why ask him for help all off a sudden?"

Loki shrugged.

"I like to see him torn."

Natasha started laughing.

"What's so funny?", he asked angrily and got up.

"You're not dead", she answered and walked a little closer.

The trickster god froze.

"What was that?"

"You did not die."

And for a moment they hesitated

"Why would I die now? It would serve me no purpose", he finally said.

"Maybe it would shorten your punishment."

"Maybe."

"Maybe it would save you."

"Who told you I needed a savior?", he asked in an amused tone.

"You did", she said and laughed again, "And you know? I think you remember none of it."

Loki shook his head and frowned.

"Are you making fun of me, Miss Romanoff?"

"A knife to the heart, Loki."

She swore his face paled visibly.

"You do remember."

He walked backwards and the glare he shot her was only half-angry.

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

Natasha sat down in her chair and crossed her arms.

"Then I shall tell you about my dream."


End file.
